I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
