saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
