Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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