Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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