Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
