I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
