You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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