im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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