yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
