do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
