i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
