I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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