You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
