By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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