Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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