i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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