i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also, beer. Big fan.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh god it's open bar.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
