I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
