i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
