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You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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