I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
