She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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