Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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