College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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