evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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