I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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