Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
