you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
