he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
