my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
