youre lurking in front of me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
