Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
