Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
