Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
