Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
