Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
