its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
