Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
