may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize