one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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