I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize