I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
