Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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