okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
