mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im holly from the hills drunk
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize