I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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