this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
