omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
