4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
