You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
