New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
