i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
