Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
