He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
