Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
