I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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