yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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