GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
