Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were trust falling into bushes
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
