Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
