I molested 6 butterflies tonight
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
