I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
accomplished twins. life is a go
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
