Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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