i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
