I only kidnapped one of them. chill
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
