i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
