Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
