She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Everything about him screamed your future.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
