dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
