Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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