Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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