ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
