Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
