Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He passed out mid-signature
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
