How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
