six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
