Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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